OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
