Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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