I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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