So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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