I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
