Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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