Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
