So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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