I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
