I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
