Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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