winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
