Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
