Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
