I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
