I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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