I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
