I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
