I looked at my own cervix.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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