It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is classic penis vs brain.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
