What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
