trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
