I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
they're like a gay fantastic four
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
