Dual....:-)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
