He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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