Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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