You're completely useless in the revolution.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
