Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
