It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
