Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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