I'm gonna have a badass scar
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
