Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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