White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
