Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
