Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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