I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
