My nipple is on Facebook.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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