i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
