I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
