Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
