I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
