So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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