HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
