Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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