last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
