Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
