I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
