I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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