worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
