your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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