Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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