Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
