I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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