What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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